Harry and Celeste
“I truly believe I’m here because of my daughter. When her husband went out and got the newspaper for me in the mornings, he sprayed the newspaper. When my daughter came in from shopping, she sprayed the bag and every item in the bag. You know it’s not me being strong enough to get through this – it’s they who had the patience and the energy to get me through. If it was up to me, I wouldn’t have done half of what they did.”
Early in the pandemic, the threat that COVID posed to senior and elder populations was strikingly clear. They were quickly identified as the most at-risk population for severe illness and death. Too often, there seemed to be no answer to safeguard those individuals who had lived into their 80s and 90s. They faced an unforeseen battle with a troubling choice: stay isolated and safe from COVID, but endure the effects of loneliness or risk contracting the virus while breaking free from strict isolation. And yet for many, where the virus spread through senior facilities and nursing homes, they faced even fewer choices.
Where it was possible, there was a third option: it was a time for families to do what families do – to care for each other, determined to endure a crisis at all costs. As part of a large Lebanese family, Harry was separated from children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren for over a year. He moved in with his daughter, Celeste and her husband, who cared for his health and took every measure to safely prevent COVID from spreading into their lives.
A Korean War veteran who served in the Army, Harry lost his full hearing due to nerve damage as a young man. After more than 30 years of reading lips, he received a cochlear implant in 2002. During COVID, Harry adjusted and changed, like so many others around the world, to embrace new and safer ways of family interaction: drive by greetings and outdoor hellos with grandchildren waving from twenty feet away.
This is the story of a man who found hope by looking forward to the day when he could again hug his grandchildren. It is the story of a loving daughter who cared for her 94-year-old father. And, it is the story of family, faith, unconditional love and survival.
This is Harry and Celeste in their own words.
_______________________________________________
Harry: I moved in with my daughter during COVID. It was better that way. When the virus first started, I thought, “It’s not going to happen to me.” I was following the news, and my daughter started to not let family in the house. She managed my health. She had a bottle of alcohol and, if someone in the family – one of my grandchildren – would come visit, the minute they got up from the chair, Celeste would spray that chair. If they put their hand on a table, she would spray the table. That I didn’t think was necessary at all, but then I began reading more and more in the paper about how many people were dying every day here in New Mexico, and that shook me up quite a bit.
I had just found out that I had living relatives in Lebanon, and we got together by video phone. It shook me when I found out two of them had died – the mother and the father died after only two or three times I had spoken to them. I was so happy to know that I had relatives back there and they passed away. That’s when I began realizing how bad COVID could be.
Everyday I’d read in the paper about 50 – 60 people dying. “Not in this country,” I thought. “They’ll stop the virus here in no time.” When that didn’t happen, I got worried. I started following my daughter with the spray bottle! I began researching the 1918 influenza pandemic and how many people died. Millions died. I just couldn’t comprehend how this could happen again – at this time.
I was very worried about what family would think of Celeste. She came right out and told some of them, “You can’t come in.” I remember some of them being outside the garage door and I stood at the kitchen door saying, “hello.” I honestly believe that’s why I’m still here.
Celeste: I have uncles who live nearby – and it’s very common in a big ethnic family – that people just walk in the house. I had put a sign on the door that said, “Do not come in.” I had to do that. When I realized that COVID was hitting elderly people and you start seeing the population of people who were dying, it was like, “Oh my gosh, my dad’s in his 90’s and this could be very serious.”
So, we had to take drastic measures because not everybody was on the same page, and not everybody realized it. Some of the grandkids were still working and out in public, so we had to make a choice. And, it was a very hard choice to make because we thrive on family. Family is his livelihood; it’s not like he can get in a car and drive somewhere. He has to depend on his family.
We spent a lot of energy gathering outdoors and limiting the number of people who would come. We did a lot of drive-bys. We would take a day a week and go to different houses, and the kids would come out wave and run around in the yard.
Harry: There was a lot of seeing my grandchildren from the garage door. I would wave to them. I would see them and talk to them; they were twenty feet away, easily. Then when the kids began coming with little masks – the kids are so small with their masks – that hurt. Oh, I wanted so much to hug them. I thought, “If I don’t make it, I want to hug them. I want to show them I love them.” But, I couldn’t do it.
When I turned 94 [December 2020], I was having such a hard time. I had been very active – I did almost everything myself. Now I can’t go without my walker. I really felt that I wouldn’t be here for my 94th, but I wasn’t afraid of death – I said, “I’m OK.”
I felt that if I was positive, I could do anything. And, I began feeling that, “Nothing is gonna bother me. If I get COVID, I’m gonna live through it.” That was only me speaking to me. I never said that to anyone else, because I knew inside that I really couldn’t lie to myself, and I knew that it would put me down if I got COVID at my age. I did have fear, but I don’t think I showed it at all. I kept telling myself that I lived a good life; I have a beautiful family and what more do I want?
My kids and grandkids – they kept my spirits up. I wanted to see my grandsons get married. I couldn’t move around much at all during COVID. I was very much sicker than a year ago, but I kept praying that I would be alive for my grandson Josh’s wedding. I love the girl very much and I wanted her to marry Josh. They waited a year and they finally got married. It was in church and everybody had masks on. I’m looking at people – I didn’t even know who they were because they were covered. I was trying to read lips, but with the masks, you couldn’t see anything. I just tried to go along, but I wouldn’t accept it. I said, “We’re going to have this wedding again another time.”
Then after that, I wanted to see my other grandson, Jesse get married. He got married in California [in May, 2020]; it was a civil ceremony. They went to a huge parking lot and were in their car. They parked in front of a booth and got out and were married, holding each other’s hands. I said, “How could this be? They’re married, but there was no one there.” That’s how it was.
I honestly didn’t feel that I’d get through to see them both get married. But, I did and I was very happy about it.
Celeste: My dad wound up in the hospital in April – he found out he had congestive heart failure. My brother took him to the hospital, and it was at a time when you really didn’t know how you could get COVID. We just knew that people were getting it and people were dying. So, my brother was only able to drop my dad off and put him in a wheelchair, and the hospital staff just took him into emergency. He has his cochlear, but he’s deaf. We gave him his phone and said, “Just call and we’ll text you.” That was it.
Our communication, thankfully, with the hospital was great, and they would video call from the hospital room so we could find out what was going on. He was pretty sick, and he was in the hospital when 90% of the people in there had COVID. That was quite scary – and then bringing him home into our house and wondering if he’s gotten COVID at the hospital, and not knowing if everybody else would get it.
You just kind of kick into gear. It didn’t strike me hard that I was in a survival mindset, even though I knew in the back of my mind that it could be survival for my dad. I felt like we were in such a driven mindset that it changed me during that time. I’m a head teacher, so I’m not in the classroom – I work with IEPs [Individual Education Plans] and other teachers. I was at home working, and my job was pretty demanding, but I was still able to manage the household – groceries, and keeping things safe and clean. I’m so thankful that I was able to do that.
I had to set aside so many things. I felt robbed a little, but we also didn’t lose anybody. The sacrifice was worth it. It took a while to get out of the mode of protection. But then after the vaccine, things started to change. The vaccine was a relief – then we were able to just relax.
Harry: Every day, still people were dying, still people were dying. Then one day, I looked in the paper and saw zero deaths that day. “Wow!” I said, “Now I can see it’s happening. It’s getting back to normal.” And I knew I could see my grandchildren soon.
I had no pain with the shots, and I wondered if it was real – if I had gotten the right medication. I thought, “Don’t waste this on someone who’s 94 years old.” I waited two weeks after the second shot – I was counting down the days – and we decided it was OK for the grandchildren and great-grandchildren to come over. They all lined up in the house, about twenty people. They were so excited and it made me feel so warm; they had masks on, and I had my shots. The line went through the house, from the kitchen into the living room. I hugged each kid and I told them how much I loved each of them, and then how much I missed them. They hugged me and moved on. Some of the kids were too young to realize what was going on, but it meant so much to me. Each hug, I felt such pleasure. I mean, I really hugged them hard – squeezing them.
Celeste: You know, you just have faith. I’m so thankful to God that we didn’t have to deal with death and sickness. And, it was so hard to hear how much suffering was going on in the world. It’s very sad. We live in a very human world, and you just have to have faith and trust. We just did what we knew to do, but it didn’t mean it was going to keep us from COVID. We’re thankful that it worked for us. But, I feel so very sad for people who did the same thing and it didn’t work. We’re very grateful, as a family.
